Ways to forgive people

Forgiveness doesn't simply happen by dropping the
issue, declaring that someone is forgiven or trying
to forget about the pain. Forgiveness is a principle -
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a rule that must continuously guide the behavior of
each partner. Here are the three steps of this
guiding principle:

1. Address the pain
Pain from romantic relationships can build up like a
volcano and erupt as a powerful overreaction when
triggered.
There are many ways to express pain, but all of
them involve directing awareness inward and
paying attention to the pain. Some common methods
are prayer, meditation or writing down what the pain
feels like. Another way you can address the issue
is a counseling session with professional or a
trusted friend.
Upon facing the pain, what caused the pain may
become more clear and you may even decide what
you need to do about it. But the thoughts that arise
are not what heals the pain. The only way to heal
pain is to fully perceive the pain, and to let the
volcano erupt in a safe and controlled environment.

2. Reconnect
The best way to begin reconnecting to a romantic
partner is to communicate. The injured partner
should wait to talk about it until the other can give
his full attention to the conversation. She should
explain what happened and how she felt as a result.
She should also listen to her partner's thoughts
since his intentions can sometimes be
misunderstood.

3. Respond justly
Partners who truly love each other will take action
to prevent hurtful behavior in the relationship. Once
a person has learned the details surrounding her
pain, she will have a better idea on how to best
respond.
If a partner repeatedly refuses to take responsibility
for his hurtful behavior or if his behavior is abusive,
then the injured partner might respond by leaving
the premises, taking some time apart or separating
entirely.
Partners don't need to psychoanalyze or try to
control one another to limit hurtful behavior in the
relationship. Instead, they need to forgive and
respond with justice.
No relationship can survive without the principle of
forgiveness. A person lives this principle by facing
relationship pain, continually reconnecting with her
partner and responding justly to any mistreatment.